


Holding Back and Coming Out

by falsettosland



Category: Open Heart (Visual Novels)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:33:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26470432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falsettosland/pseuds/falsettosland
Summary: Ethan and Carter are trying to work themselves out.Starts at the end of Chapter 8 in Open Heart 2.
Relationships: Ethan Ramsey/Main Character (Open Heart), Ethan Ramsey/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	1. One

“…I suppose you could come home with me. I have a new recipe I’ve been looking for an excuse to try,” Ethan says, holding back any emotion.

My stomach tightens at the thought of making dinner with him. He said he wants to distance ourselves for the sake of our careers, but then he proposes dinner. _At his place_.

“You cook?” I say instead, trying to not give away how I feel.

My breath gets caught in my throat when he smiles. “I do. Often. I find it very meditative, actually. It always helps me get my thoughts in order.”

He isn’t helping my racing mind. I quickly create fantasies of a domestic life with him, one I know I’ll never have. Before I can spiral anymore, I squeak out a reply.

“Let’s go.”

I head back to Ethan’s apartment with him, memories flooding back as we enter. It’s just as spotless the last time I was here. His dog Jenner runs up to me, shoving his nose into my hand so I can pet him. He definitely hasn’t forgotten me. As I lean down to scratch behind his ears, I catch Ethan watching me with an odd expression.

“So…what’s this recipe you’ve been dying to try?” I ask, trying to ease the tension in the room.

Ethan eyes widen for a second as he’s brought back into the real world. A smile appears on his face as he says, “Gregorian Stuffed Chicken.”

Jenner looks at his owner when he says the last word.

“On a random weeknight?”

“Correct. Come over here.”

I blush at his command as I rise to my feet. I follow him to the kitchen, trying to keep my eyes from wandering as he walks in front of me. We’re just two colleagues…

Ethan sets a whole chicken on the counter, pushing it toward me.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” I ask, confused.

He places a bowl of butter next to the chicken. “Get massaging.”

My face is red as I awkwardly scoop up the butter in my hand and start to rub it into the chicken’s skin. After a few minutes, I look up at Ethan, who is examining my work.

“You have to do better than that. Rub it right in. Full coverage.”

As I get back to massaging the chicken, he cuts a chunk off a fresh stick of butter into a pot on the stove. As it starts to melt, he starts mincing an onion and several cloves of garlic.

Ethan seems…content. Helping him out in the kitchen isn’t helping my domestic life fantasies with him. I wish I could spend more time with him like this. I wish he would _let_ me spend more time like this with him. It’s taking all my self-control to keep my hands off him. He wants to make a distance between us, which I understand, but it’s so hard.

As we continue to prepare the meal, we talk a bit about his secret passion for cooking.

Ethan puts the spoon up to his nose, inhaling his creation. He makes a face. “Something’s missing.”

“Did you check the recipe?” I ask, cleaning the butter off my hands with a paper towel.

“Recipes always tend to the safe side flavor-wise. What would you add?” he says as he takes some peppers and herbs out of his fridge. He lays them on the counter, looking up at you.

“Let’s add the…” I reach forward and pluck up the ingredient I choose, “peppers.”

Ethan puts the herbs back in the fridge and moves the peppers to the chopping board. He smiles as he starts to chop them. “I should’ve known you’d want to add more heat.”

My heart starts to race as I meet his eyes. He scans my face behind his glasses and I quickly blush. “It’s not the only kind of heat I’d like to add…” I mutter out.

I can see the conflict behind his eyes, the intense longing passion. But then he returns to chopping the peppers with a deep breath.

“You make it hard to stick to my intentions, Carter.”

“Good,” I respond, moving a bit closer to him.

We finish preparing the meal, setting it down on the counter and looking at our masterpiece. The smells is heavenly and wafts through the apartment.

“I’ve been avoiding my father,” Ethan says suddenly, crossing his arms.

“Why? It seems like you two have a strong relationship. We all can’t be that lucky,” I reply, leaning my back against the counter.

“I realized I never tried to get close to him…and there’s important things I haven’t told him.”

Ethan furrows his eyebrows, looking down at his shoes, then back up at me.

“And there’s the stuff with my mom…I don’t understand how he could love her unconditionally…”

Now it’s my turn to meet his eyes. My stomach does a backflip, my brain screams at me to just tell him how I feel. 

“It’s not bad to love someone unconditionally…” I say, almost a whisper. A lump forms in my throat as I take a step towards him.

“Carter…” he sighs, relaxing his arms at his side.

I worry about what will happen next until a knocking at the door interrupts us.

“How long have you been avoiding your dad?” I ask as Jenner starts to bark at the door.

Ethan sighs heavily as he heads towards the door, hushing Jenner.

I wash my hands quickly and linger in the kitchen doorway.

Alan Ramsey enters the apartment, talking quietly with Ethan, I can’t pick up what they’re talking about. He stops short when he notices me, a look of surprise spreading on his face.

“Oh…you have company…Hello again, Dr. Schwartz.”

“Don’t mind me, Mr. Ramsey, I was just helping Ethan with a new recipe. There’s plenty enough for more than two people,” I say with a smile.

Alan and I follow Ethan into the kitchen. As he starts to stuff the chicken, tension fills the room.

“So…what have you been up to the past few weeks?” Alan asks. I notice his eyes dart between the two of us, but I make a point of just staring at the chicken.

“Work.”

“That’s it? You’re usually better at returning my calls.”

Alan frowns, looking at his son in hopes he’ll look him in the eye. Ethan meets my eyes as I mouth “ _talk to him_ ”. 

Ethan frowns, setting the large spoon down. “Dad…I have to talk to you about something. Carter, can you handle the bird?”

I nod. “Of course.” Ethan pushes the bowl towards me, walking to the living room with his dad. I place the chicken in the oven, setting the timer. I brace my hands against the counter, trying to listen in on Ethan and his dad.

I hear him explain his anger towards his mom, and how his dad explains that he should know that love is complicated. I sadly smile to myself at the irony, he of all people should know how complicated it is. Just as I check on the timer on the oven, I heard something that hits me like a bag of bricks.

“I’m bisexual.”

My heart pounds in my chest and I suddenly feel dizzy. He…did he just come out to his dad? Does that mean he wants to…?

The scene brings memories flooding back. I can’t take it. I creep towards the door, tears stinging the corners of my eyes.

“Carter?” Ethan’s voice rings out as I grab the doorknob. “Where are you going?”

“Home,” I say through a tight throat, trying to not let him know what I’m really feeling. “I think you two need some privacy.”

_It’s definitely not because you’re exposing yourself bare to your father and making me believe you want to further our “relationship”._

I swallow and give my best polite smile.

“But the…chicken…” Ethan stutters. It’s clearly not about the chicken.

“Bring me some tomorrow.” I pray he doesn’t see the tears in my eyes.

The doctor looks between me and his father, and then nods gratefully. “I’ll walk you out.”

Before I can protest, he’s walking with me, closing his apartment door behind us.

We get to the street outside before he speaks again.

“Can you get home safely?”

I nod, avoiding his eyes.

“Are you okay?” He puts a hand on my shoulder, nudging me to turn around.

As I notice a taxi start to slow down, I quickly turn to face him. Tears spill down my face as I grab the collar of his green sports jacket.

“You came out.”

My voice comes out broken.

Ethan’s face falls, cupping my cheek with one hand. “I did.”

“Why? Why would you do it when I’m in the other room. What—”

He cuts me off by placing a soft kiss to my lips. As a tear falls between our lips, I deepen it. I kiss him back fiercely, desperately. I’ve wanted him for so long…

He presses his body against me, meeting me with the same passion. I never want it to end, but I know it has to.

I pull away, still crying. He reaches to touch my arm, but I pull them back, hugging myself.

“Ethan…what does this mean?” I ask as I sob lightly.

“I don’t know.” He leans in, planting a delicate kiss on my forehead. “We’ll talk about it later.”

I tear myself away from him, calling a cab before I can turn around and make more stupid decisions. When one stops, I get it, only looking back at Ethan when I’m inside. He’s standing under the awning of his building, watching me.


	2. Two

I sigh, putting my face in my hands as I lean my back against the nurses’ station. Esme’s footsteps fade away, leaving me alone to my thoughts.

Heavy footsteps approach and I hear plastic hit the counter. Letting my hands down, I meet Danny’s face. He gives me an awkward smile, pushing a plastic container towards me.

“What’s this?” I ask, examining the Tupperware.

“Dr. Ramsey told me to get this to you as soon as possible, he was very strict about it,” the nurse says.

I smile as I notice a chicken leg through the opaque plastic.

“Thank you, Danny.”

“So, you and Ramsey…”

“Nothing’s there, Danny.”

I collect my charts from the station and go back to my duty. I stop by the diagnostics office to put the Tupperware somewhere safe before going on with my day.

I have no idea how many people I’ve treated today, it feels like too many to count. I Stumble out of my last patient’s room, narrowly avoiding projectile vomit. In my shock, I almost bump into Raphael.

“Carter, you alright?” he askes with a smile.

My stomach feels warm at the sight of his smile. It’s a nice distraction from everything else.

“Sorry…a lot on my mind,” I say as I watch a nurse give my patient a barf bag out of the corner of my eye. “Can we move down the hall a bit?”

Raphael nods, walking with me a few feet away from the vomiting patient’s room. “There’s something I wanted to tell—”

The paramedic is cut off by Danny rushing up to us.

“Dr. Schwartz, Ms. Santana’s results just came through. I figured you’d want to know right away.”

I nod my head aggressively. “Thanks, Danny.”

I take the stapled paper with Kyra’s results, flipping through them over and over. My stomach sinks as I read over the same information, refusing to believe it’s true.

Raphael puts a hand on my shoulder, but I shrug it off, muttering that we should talk later.

I speed walk down the hall then up the stairs to Kyra’s room. When I run into the doorway, I find her room empty. The sheets are pulled back neatly and the bed is cold, she hasn’t been in bed for a while. I roam the hospital, asking nurses and doctors if anyone has seen her. None of them are any help as I become more desperate.

In a last-ditch effort, I check her office. The light is on and she’s sitting at her desk, like she wasn’t almost dead on the floor less than a day ago.

“’Sup, Carter?” she says casually as I try to catch my breath in the doorway.

“You should really be in bed,” I say, my voice giving away my anxiety. “We admitted you for a reason.”

Kyra explains with a smile that she unadmitted herself because she is of sound mind.

“Kyra…” I sigh.

She continues on about the clinic and the budget, ignoring my worry.

I ball my fists up by my side, everything catching up with me at once. “Kyra!” I half shout, jaw clenched.

She freezes, momentary worry flashing on her face.

I finally calm myself down, releasing my fists and jaw. I lower my voice, “Your cancer has spread.”

Kyra’s smile returns to her face. “Is that all?”

My anger returns. “You need to take this seriously! This isn’t the time to joke around.”

She turns her chair towards me, her face becoming neutral. I explain the scans to her, but her face doesn’t change. She doesn’t look upset or anxious or sad…she just looks fine.

“I’m okay. And I’ve missed enough work for one day. Now please go away and let me save as much of this hospital as I can before I drop dead.”

My heart sinks and it takes everything in my to not keep fighting back, but I’m exhausted. I leave the administration floor to head toward the diagnostics office. My hands shake at my sides and I try to even my breathing. My chest tightens, and I feel like I’m going to explode. Before I know what I’m doing, I walk into a supply closet. I pull the door closed behind me, almost immediately letting everything go. I double over, breathing in sharp, ragged bursts. Tears fall from my eyes as I struggle to breath. I let out an angry punch against the door, denting the weak wood. My knuckles sting as I withdraw my hand. When I pull it back, the door opens to a shocked June. She sighs heavily and enters the closet, closing the door behind her.

“You punched the door?” she asks, taking your bruising hand into hers to examine your knuckles. “With how hard you hit it you could’ve broken your fingers. Why would you do that?”

It all comes out like a broken dam.

“The clinic is probably closing because the hospital can’t catch a goddamn break, my friend’s cancer has spread and she won’t let me help her and Mass Kenmore keeps undermining us and…”

Ethan’s name is on the tip of my tongue. I want to say that he’s putting up boundaries then taking them down when he feels like it. Our relationship is dependent on how open he is feeling that day. But I don’t say it.

“You’re a grown adult, you need to stop throwing a tantrum in a closet. At work,” June says matter-of-factly, placing a hand on my shoulder. “You need to snap out of it, _now_.”

I take a deep breath, but I still feel immense pressure in my chest.

“Would it help if I slap you?”

I quickly nod my head, not even thinking about it. June raises her hand, dragging it across my face quickly with a _whap_. My cheek stings like a bitch, but I feel a little better. Slowly, I feel like I’m able to breathe normally again.

“Now, about Mass Kenmore…I heard from a little birdie over there about something that could help us turn the tables on them for stealing our patient,” June says with a devilish smirk.

“What would revenge solve?”

“It’d make you feel better, for one thing.”

I’m taken aback. “Hurting people doesn’t make me feel better.”

“Then look at it this way…it would help Edenbrook. A lot.”

That one line was enough to get me to cross sides…sort of.

“How?”

June gives an open mouth grin, knowing she has me hooked. “Ed Farrugia, the Massachusetts senator, was admitted to Mass Kenmore yesterday with a mystery illness. Tobias is treating him _personally_.”

I don’t try to hide my shock, Senator Farrugia is anticipated to run for presidency in 2024. Having him on our side would be huge.

“I think if you’re looking for something constructive to channel your feelings into, snagging a patient like Ed is perfect. Saving the life of one of America’s most beloved politicians could pay serious dividends.”

“So, we just walk in and take him?”

“It wouldn’t hurt Edenbrook to have someone in D.C. fighting for us. But…If you don’t think it’s worth it…”

I don’t give her time to finish her thought.

“I’m in.”


End file.
